These Phrases given by A Parent Which Saved Us as a First-Time Parent

"I think I was merely just surviving for a year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

But the reality quickly became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct statement "You're not in a healthy space. You must get support. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a larger inability to talk between men, who still absorb harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a display of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to request a respite - taking a couple of days abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That insight has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son better understand the expression of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "bad decisions" when younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a therapist about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their experiences, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their issues, changed how they talk, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I believe my role is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."